Patches - VELCRO COMPATIBLE PATCHES

💀 NOT DEAD YET“Not Dead Yet” is less of a statement… more of a daily update. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this removable patch swap...

🚰 GEN X – RAISED ON HOSE WATER AND NEGLECT“Gen X – Raised on Hose Water and Neglect” is a badge of honor for surviving a different kind of childhoo...

👑 “Legend Status” isn’t claimed—it’s earned. And if you know, you know. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this removable patch swaps eas...

🎉 “Survived Another Year” is less about aging… and more about making it through whatever that was. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, thi...

🎯 MAKE IT ABOUT ME“Make It About Me” isn’t selfish… it’s just efficient. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this removable patch swaps ea...

📉 EXPIRED WARRANTY“Expired Warranty” means whatever breaks next… you’re on your own. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this removable pa...

🗣️ “No Filter Left” is what happens when patience runs out and honesty takes over. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this removable patc...

🌿 WEED DAD LIKE A REGULAR DAD ONLY WAY HIGHER“Weed Dad Like A Regular Dad Only Way Higher” is peak dad energy… just elevated. Sized at 3x2 and hook...

🌿 THERE’S A STRAIN FOR THAT“There’s A Strain For That” is the answer… no matter what the question was. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible,...

💸 NOW ACCEPTING SENIOR DISCOUNTS“Now Accepting Senior Discounts” means you’ve officially reached the stage where perks start kicking in. Sized at 3...

🔥 LIMITED EDITION HUMAN“Limited Edition Human” means there aren’t many like you… And that’s probably a good thing. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop...

👏 APPLAUD WHEN I ENTER“Applaud When I Enter” sets the tone… because a regular entrance just isn’t your style. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop comp...

📡 I REMEMBER DIAL-UP“I Remember Dial-Up” is for those who earned their internet time… one screeching connection at a time. Sized at 3x2 and hook &a...

🏷️ VINTAGE HUMAN“Vintage Human” means you’re not old… you’re just a classic that’s held up over time. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, ...

🔥 BAKED“Baked” keeps it simple… because overthinking is no longer on the agenda. Sized at 3x2 and hook-and-loop compatible, this removable patch sw...

😅 AT LEAST IT’S NOT CRACK“At Least It’s Not Crack” is the kind of logic that feels questionable… but somehow still wins the argument. Sized at 3x2 ...

😅 DON’T BE WEIRD ABOUT IT“Don’t Be Weird About It” is solid advice… that somehow never works. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this rem...

📸 HERE’S A REALLY OLD PICTURE OF ME“Here’s a Really Old Picture of Me” delivers the joke before anyone else can. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop c...

💥 PAIN IS MY CARDIO“Pain Is My Cardio” skips the gym and goes straight to the daily wear and tear. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, thi...

⚠️ MADE BEFORE SAFETY LABELS “Made Before Safety Labels” is for those who didn’t need warnings… and still don’t. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop ...

😌🌿 STRUGGLE IS THE ENEMY, BUT WEED IS THE REMEDY“Struggle Is The Enemy, But Weed Is The Remedy” isn’t medical advice… but it’s working so far. Size...

🌿 GO GREEN“Go Green” can mean a lot of things… you’re just choosing the fun interpretation. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this remov...

🔥🌿 WEED IS BAD SO EVERY TIME I FIND SOME I BURN IT“Weed Is Bad So Every Time I Find Some I Burn It” is just doing your part… one session at a time....

🧠🌿 THAT’S WHAT I DO I SMOKE WEED AND I KNOW THINGS“That’s What I Do I Smoke Weed and I Know Things” sounds like a skillset… and honestly, it checks...