Patches - VELCRO COMPATIBLE PATCHES

🧘 Inner Peace Is Overrated Some people breathe deeply, clear their minds, and find their center. You release one dramatic sigh and let profanity ha...

💸 Exchange Rates Are Humbling Confidence says you’re a perfect 10. Currency conversion says we should manage expectations. I’m a 10 but in Pesos is...

🐍 Relax. You’re Not Being Oppressed. Nobody is coming for your truck, your grill, or your Facebook memes. No One’s Treading on You, Sweetie is made...

🤨 We’re Going to Need an Explanation Sometimes “what happened?” just isn’t strong enough. Hey, Quick Question: What in the Actual Fuck? is made for...

🌾 Maybe Gluten Is the Problem Everyone assumes you can’t tolerate gluten, but has anyone bothered to ask how gluten feels about you? Maybe Gluten C...

👀 Look a Little Closer At first glance, Vision • Creativity • Passion looks like a perfectly respectable motivational message. Read the highlighted...

✅ Finally, a List You’ll Actually Finish Forget groceries, errands, and pretending you’re going to clean the garage. To Do List: Your Mom keeps pri...

🗣️ No Hablo Fucktardo Some conversations are not worth translating. The No Hablo Fucktardo patch is made for people with limited patience, excellen...

🧠 SMART ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS Knows just enough to make things interesting and absolutely no promises about how this ends.Sized at 3x2 and hook &a...

🍑 Inspirational, Unfortunately If your butt hair can survive everything it’s been through, so can you. Your Butt Hair Survives Shitty Situations, Y...

😂 A Truly Complete Package Being funny was already enough, but apparently the universe decided to overdeliver. Not Only Am I Funny... I Have Nice T...

✨ Delusion With a Deadline Think it. Believe it. Say it out loud until the universe gets uncomfortable and gives in. Manifest That Shit is made for...

🍩 The Donut Has Spoken Six-pack abs take discipline, dedication, and saying no to donuts. So naturally, we chose donuts. Abs Are Great, but Have Yo...

🍺 PREGAME SPECIALIST Elite preparation. Questionable hydration. Zero intention of pacing yourself. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, t...

🏈 WE’LL FIX IT MONDAY Sunday is for bad decisions. Monday is for pretending we learned from them. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, th...

🤠 A Friendly Greeting With Questionable Manners Part cowboy welcome, part wildly inappropriate entrance. Howdy Putos is made for rowdy friends, bil...

🧬 Evolution Really Dropped the Ball Two billion years of adaptation, survival, and natural selection led all the way to… this. Well, Aren’t You a W...

😏 Finally, Some Healthy Competition Life may be rough, unfair, and generally terrible at customer service—but apparently it has met its match. Life...

👀 Unqualified but Available No medical degree. No professional training. Absolutely no reason to be involved. I’m Not a Gynecologist, but I’ll Take...

🇺🇸 Questionable Looks. Excessive Performance. Maybe the packaging is underwhelming, but the operation is expensive, complicated, and somehow involv...

😏 Kindness With Conditions It sounds polite. It might even be polite. That really depends on what kind of day you’ve earned. Have the Day You Deser...

🥞 CERTIFIED PANCAKE MAKER Flattening defenders and ruining defensive film one block at a time. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this ...

💥 BAD INTENTIONS. GOOD TECHNIQUE. Play clean, hit hard, and make sure the film looks beautiful. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this...

🛑 CONVERSATION CLOSED For those special moments when “please” is doing a lot of heavy lifting. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this ...