New Patches - VELCRO COMPATIBLE PATCHES

🧘 Inner Peace Is Overrated Some people breathe deeply, clear their minds, and find their center. You release one dramatic sigh and let profanity ha...

💸 Exchange Rates Are Humbling Confidence says you’re a perfect 10. Currency conversion says we should manage expectations. I’m a 10 but in Pesos is...

🌾 Maybe Gluten Is the Problem Everyone assumes you can’t tolerate gluten, but has anyone bothered to ask how gluten feels about you? Maybe Gluten C...

🤨 We’re Going to Need an Explanation Sometimes “what happened?” just isn’t strong enough. Hey, Quick Question: What in the Actual Fuck? is made for...

🧠 SMART ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS Knows just enough to make things interesting and absolutely no promises about how this ends.Sized at 3x2 and hook &a...

🍑 Inspirational, Unfortunately If your butt hair can survive everything it’s been through, so can you. Your Butt Hair Survives Shitty Situations, Y...

😂 A Truly Complete Package Being funny was already enough, but apparently the universe decided to overdeliver. Not Only Am I Funny... I Have Nice T...

🤠 A Friendly Greeting With Questionable Manners Part cowboy welcome, part wildly inappropriate entrance. Howdy Putos is made for rowdy friends, bil...

🍺 PREGAME SPECIALIST Elite preparation. Questionable hydration. Zero intention of pacing yourself. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, t...

🏈 WE’LL FIX IT MONDAY Sunday is for bad decisions. Monday is for pretending we learned from them. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, th...

💥 BAD INTENTIONS. GOOD TECHNIQUE. Play clean, hit hard, and make sure the film looks beautiful. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this...

🧬 Evolution Really Dropped the Ball Two billion years of adaptation, survival, and natural selection led all the way to… this. Well, Aren’t You a W...

😏 Finally, Some Healthy Competition Life may be rough, unfair, and generally terrible at customer service—but apparently it has met its match. Life...

👀 Unqualified but Available No medical degree. No professional training. Absolutely no reason to be involved. I’m Not a Gynecologist, but I’ll Take...

🍺 I CAME FOR THE TAILGATE The game is really just something that happens after the good part. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this r...

🥞 CERTIFIED PANCAKE MAKER Flattening defenders and ruining defensive film one block at a time. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this ...

🏈 HIT FIRST. APOLOGIZE LATER. Good sportsmanship starts right after the whistle. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this removable patc...

🛑 CONVERSATION CLOSED For those special moments when “please” is doing a lot of heavy lifting. Sized at 3x2 and hook & loop compatible, this ...

🎖️ SURVIVED BAND CAMP Early mornings, questionable tan lines, and enough marching drills to qualify as basic training. Sized at 3x2 and hook &...

🦕 PREHISTORIC SMALL TALK “Ask Me About Dinosaurs” is less of an invitation and more of a legally binding commitment to hear dinosaur facts for th...

💦 Science Has Failed Us Again “Boob sweat” is accurate, but it lacks imagination. Why Is It Called Boob Sweat and Not Humidititties? is made for su...

🧠 Yesterday Already Took Enough Being mad about the past is understandable. Letting it ruin today is just giving yesterday overtime. Don’t Fuck Up ...

🏆 Looking This Good Is a Full-Time Job The posing, the compliments, the pressure to remain decorative—it never ends. Being a Trophy Husband Is Exha...

😏 It’s a Gift and a Burden Being this attractive comes with consequences. I’m So Sexy Even Life Gets Hard is made for confident comedians, shameles...